that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
