I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
