I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
