I think im going to throw up on grandma
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize