Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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