this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
