Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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