OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
