In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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