Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Randomize