i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
