we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
