at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize