kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
