the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
