i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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