My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
