Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize