The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
