I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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