singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
