Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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