Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
