Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize