you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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