I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
