I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
