I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize