there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
