So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You are the jesus of drinking
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
