Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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