I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
