She is in my trunk
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
