i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
