I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize