i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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