the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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