The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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