Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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