two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
