So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
