Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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