your parents love me but you hate me
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
