OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just want to make out with him forever
I touched a dick in church today
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
