Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
