i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
