nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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