So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
