I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize