I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
