I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize