i always forget guys have bellybuttons
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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