ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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