i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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