I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize