I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Randomize
