I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
