we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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