So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize