And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
