You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We have started to decorate penises.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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