Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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