Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
