We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
