Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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