I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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