I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
