pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wish you could order shots online.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
