don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
