Duck Duck Cougar?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
