please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
