if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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