before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize