Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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