Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
