Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
